Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The Desk Chair: Offpocalypse, Part II

After yesterday's post, I'm feeling pretty good about my prospects in a hypothetical post-apocalyptic Satan pit ("Satan pit" is an alternative to "hellscape" that I'm trying out). 

There are only two more items of absolute necessity:

The first is a container of Clorox wipes. Practical, given that we'll all be stewing in our own filth and excrement in a matter of weeks? Probably not. But I think they will help ease the transition.

The second item is more controversial: one of the many photos of the permanent receptionist's daughter. Why? So I can pass her off as my own missing child and thereby gain access to extra sympathy and supplies. I think it's a stroke of genius. 

So, here's the final list:

Alcohol Wipes
Caution tape
Letter openers
Compressed air
Clorox wipes

Technically, I no longer have the Trader Joe's bags in which I was planning to carry all of these things. But I think we can safely pretend it's yesterday. I also have my small, over-the-shoulder purse and a canvas tote bag, so I think I'm set. Ideally, I would duct tape the weapons to my body (duh) but there doesn't seem to be any duct tape in my vicinity. Scotch tape would almost certainly be a disaster. 

If I managed to get all this together in under two minutes, which of the following would you recommend I do:

1. Run to the kitchen to try to grab a trash bag or two for minor protection against the elements. 
2. Run to the IT department to steal that one guy's skateboard so I can wheel my supplies along behind me. (Obviously, this will be easy to rig up since I have a ball of string.)

Let me know what you think and best of luck to us all...

1 comment:

SoundsLikeCanada said...

So, I know you said you haven't seen Walking Dead (I highly recommend that you start with the pilot and watch all of it, because it's pretty great - just don't watch while eating). But you started this series off by talking about zombies, and I find myself evaluating all your decisions based on what I know from watching Walking Dead.

Get the trash bag from the IT guys. It will be of so much more use to you than the skate board - unless you have some serious skating skillz that you've been hiding from us all this time.

Your phone and charger would only be good for a very short time. Sunglasses and coat: yes. And yes to groceries and pain killers, while they last. But the most useful things I think you mentioned, besides the trash bag, are the letter openers and screw drivers, since they are potential weapons.

In the last several years, my dad has randomly gotten into archery, and he's actually really good at it. Even though he walks slowly, I feel that his archery skills will keep him alive longer than most in a zombie apocalypse, since the show has taught me that a silent weapon like an arrow is best.

Of course, that show and others like teach us that the biggest threat to us in such a situation...is *us.*

I've really been enjoying your renewed attention to the blog! And since you asked for other post ideas, I'd like to know if you have secret nicknames for your co-workers, based on their appearances and personalities. If it's safe to tell us, could you give us a little introduction to the cast of characters that you encounter while at the desk chair?