My friend Jessi's suggestion to write something (anything) about food is particularly apt in this, the treat-filled holiday nightmare that is the American workplace from about October 30th to February 15th. In fact, not five minutes ago, I was told enthusiastically, "There are FULL SIZED candy bars in the break room!" I hung my head. It was hard enough surviving this week's onslaught of miniature Snickers and boxes of Munchkins without having to deal with anything bigger. Speaking of Munchkins ("doughnut holes," if you're some kind of freak who's never been to a Dunkin Donuts), are there people out there who genuinely enjoy them? Every time I have one, I'm disappointed... and then inexplicably want five more. Might as well just have a whole doughnut and experience the disappointment only once.
Obviously, this won't be a post about healthy eating, even though I could say a lot of great things about the Whole Foods Cafe we're lucky enough to have at this office complex. That kind of thing is best left to Gwyneth Paltrow or Jessi Haggerty. Instead, as armchair temporary receptionists, I would like you to follow me on a brief and informal journey of exploration into the candy habits of the North American office worker. The following are three of my personal observations:
1. If you build it, they will come.
Until yesterday, we had horrible candy at the reception desk. I mean, Smarties? Sure, that one IT guy loves them (he would), but everyone else walked by and said, "Ugh, no chocolate?" And yet, mysteriously, almost all of them would take something anyway. To me, suffering through a package of Smarties or, God forbid, a Tootsie Roll, is far worse than no candy at all. Not so for the people of this office. If it's there, someone will eat it. Granted, that's just true everywhere, always.
2. That one intern will take all the Peanut Butter Cups.
When delicious candy magically appeared in the reception bowl yesterday (which was November 1st, so obviously somebody had been hoarding the good stuff), I was eagerly anticipating a mid-afternoon Peanut Butter Cup. But then they disappeared, presumably into the gullet of the intern who covers my breaks. I've since discovered that he's also dipped into my desk walnuts. I sincerely hope they make his throat feel weird.
3. Candy will continue to appear, even on November 2nd when you thought you were safe.
When I started writing this post, the reception bowl was gone. I don't know how it happened, but somehow... it's back. I was ticked off. Then someone stopped to grab a piece and felt compelled to tell me my hair looked nice. Maybe the candy bowl isn't so bad.