Thursday, March 26, 2009

Going to California with an Aching in my...Stomach

I don’t generally like to complain. Seriously. I have a sort of militant loyalty to the "seeing the best in everything" philosophy. Pretty dumb, I know. It certainly hasn’t done anything good for my love life. Am I right, ladies? Just kidding with that last sentence. The one before it is still true though. Anyway, the point is that I would like to take a moment to complain about air travel. Bear with me, I know we've all heard these rants before.

The main problem on the flight from Indianapolis to Charlotte had to do with the previous night's ill-advised merriment. In fairness, I can't blame that on anyone but myself. Still, the woman sitting next to me could have been a lot nicer. Whatever lady, I wouldn’t want to interrupt you in chapter 43 of your James Patterson book. What’s the deal with that? She wasn’t even a third of the way into the book and it was already chapter 43. I can’t decide if she bought it at the airport or rushed out to Target after she saw the TV advertisement.

I guess that's rather elitist and hypocritical. I too have been known to enjoy a good page-turner. And it's not as though I've ever actually read James Patterson, mainly for fear of actually liking it. Hell, I liked the Da Vinci Code. I was also 18 and on the beach in Aruba. That makes it okay, right? It’s okay that I liked it, right? Right, guys??

By the way, did you know you can take a Da Vinci Code tour at the Louvre?

Da Vinci Code Locations,

Kind of depressing. I think that might be James Patterson Lady with the straw bag.

Anyway, what I really want to complain about is the flight from Charlotte to LAX. First of all, it smelled like body odor. Fine, it's not the first time I've had to deal with body odor while traveling and I'm sure it won't be the last. My bigger problem was the food situation. There were over 200 passengers. It's a six-hour flight. How much food do you think they had on board? I'll tell you. Seven pastrami sandwiches ($7) and seven cobb salads (also $7). Oh, and an undisclosed number of "snack boxes" ($5), of which I saw a total of one (1). Apparently these boxes of food included, among other things, tuna salad. So to recap, that's airplane versions of pastrami, cobb salad, and tuna. I don't know about you, but I don't think I could come up with three more disgusting options.

Still, I was ready to eat pretty much anything. I was even ready to fork over the cash. But, as I was in an exit row about halfway down the aisle, my only option was one of the three remaining pastrami sandwiches. At the last minute, I chickened (pastramied?) out and didn't buy one. The thing is, I'm very particular about sandwiches. I didn't even regret it until the guy next to me pulled out a cookie and some kind of roll. It was just supposed to be the sandwich! Foiled! This is how happy that guy was:

Man eating sandwich
This is how happy I was:

Luckily, I had purchased a bag of pretzels before boarding (probably for about $9- I'm not sure because I willed myself not to look) so I was able to survive until In-N-Out Burger, about which I will write next. In the meantime, check out these websites I found about airplane food:

Vintage Airline Meals
Airline Meals in Miniature (I don't understand, but I know I want one)
One Man Resorts to Violence

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